Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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