Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
