I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
