She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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