He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
