I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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