Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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