I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
