'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm like, not good at living.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
