you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
