I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
