Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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