let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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