How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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