I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
