If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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