I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize