There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and she was petting her beer can
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
