I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
