I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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