You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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