You're my little dorito
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
