moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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