I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
