If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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