dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
