Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
