why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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