she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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