He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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