: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
