I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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