Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
