Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
