I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ugly people sure do ruin things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize