Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
