just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
