That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He passed out mid-signature
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
