Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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