In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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