i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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