I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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