Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There r osticjed everywhere
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
