i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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