Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
