I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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