At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.