Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day