New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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