Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
