Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.