Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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