I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.