you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
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Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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