I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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