Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
