Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
