I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
