I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
