So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
