Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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