I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
