belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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