i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
