So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
