Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
