Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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