I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
