This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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