I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
