Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize