I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
