I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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