He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
