The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
