I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
