so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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