I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Let's paint friendship bongs
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
