pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
