maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
