I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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