I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
