My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A+ Viking dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
