who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is it because I queefed?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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