six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
