I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
