Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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