I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
