A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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